White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
