Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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