I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
