i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
