Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
