then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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