Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
