I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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