I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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