remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
my being single is dangerous.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Just invented taco cereal.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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