I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
two words: eviction party
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
