I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
