in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
