Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
