If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Randomize
