I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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