so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Randomize
