eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
They took my balls.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
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