Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
