Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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