Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
