Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
