So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
