i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
