Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
