wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
