Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
