it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
