Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
