Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
