I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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