you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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