Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just cut my nipple shaving
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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