Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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