You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
