Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
