Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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