I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
