New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I need a burrito and a hug.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
