And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
