3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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