i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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