does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
