Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Randomize
