I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
