Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
