Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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