i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
