Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
