Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
